Deconstructed Reconstruction

I know it has been such a long while since I have posted anything, and I also said I would do better, but I’ve had a lot of things going on personally, on top of a couple of new things going on for Kings ‘N’ Queens. Some of those things include some deconstructed events designed to build a customer base before trying to engage in the full scale speed dating events that I someday hope to have. I figure I might try to explain them here, but for right now, I have to get a little bit of a surveying done. So I am going to check that out, and I’d like for my readers to all be on the lookout for that. I just felt the need to explain a few of the things that a couple of folks have asked me about KNQ and what it is,…and what it’s not.

1. KNQ is designed for men who are looking for a permanent arrangement.
   Kings ‘N’ Queens was designed by someone who understands the sheer difficulty in trying to find one person to be with for longer than a few months. The great majority of other avenues that we currently have to find companionship are all jumbled together. They don’t strive to be very selective in how they function or market themselves, especially to a crowd of folks who are mostly very fixed in what they are looking for (friendship, romance, or sex). So we all find ourselves constantly trying any avenue available to find whatever it is we want because nothing is clearly marked…right? Well, Kings ‘N’ Queens is clearly marked. That said, please remember that--
2. KNQ is designed for YOU!
   We want to make every effort to help you find the man of your dreams. Therefore, it is imperative that you be honest and truthful about who you actually are, not who you think other people want you to be. Be honest about your weight, your height, your age, your income, your hobbies, and even your vices! Our mission is to find you someone who will love you for you as you are! We face enough exclusion in our daily lives, from the people we work and live near, some of whom we refer to be inaccurate titles like “friends” and “family.” In our quest to find companionship, and without the added advantage of love connections through our already established contacts, many of us turn to the more popular online websites that I’m sure we could call name five of the top ten! Some of us have spent years on these sites, and still have an empty couch to show for it! However, as much as we want you to use our service, it is also equally as important that you remember that--
3. KNQ will cost money.
   We are a company like any other. Our goal is to make money. However, we have a complete and total psychology illustrated by the desire to construct and present a company like this one. KNQ is a vessel through which we believe very true and necessary social change would be necessary to advance our belief that we are just as much citizens as anyone else in this country. To that end, KNQ has designed several dating events to assist you in meeting quality men in quality environments. However, attendance at such events will require that you shell out a few dollars in pursuit for something that will benefit your life, same as you would for food, gas, or clothing. Please trust that there is more going on here than meets the eye, including much of the initial sorting work, which is the cause of despondence from so many eligible bachelors. We guarantee you that the money is worth it. Please take advantage of any discounts we may offer, but don’t be afraid to pay to have the field narrowed by a great deal!

It’s a renewed effort around these parts to try to start making some matches as some things are currently in the works, for major productions that could really help out our efforts around here. We truly believe that what we have going on here will be highly beneficial for all parties involved, but we can’t do it without you!

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We want nothing more than to start registering you guys, planning some events, and making some matches! It’s a long road ahead of us, but what good is the perfect company without clients. Listen to Patti LaBelle as we invite you all through her to Come As You Are.

Too Pretty For Words

This weekend was one like I have not had in a long time. After attending a birthday party for a co-worker of my best friend, where we entertained by both a magician and a psychic, our best friends requested that we join them at this club downtown. I had not been to the club since last summer, when we all went out to see a performance by a previous winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race. We had a lot of fun, but at the same time, I was quickly and easily reacquainted with the reasons why I don’t attend the festivities in the first place.

I will do my best not to discuss the general archetypes of the men I see in almost any club I’ve ever visited, but I will definitely say that very few of the men in there have faces that I would want next to mine in a wedding photo. There are a lot of attractive men, but I still get the sense that too many of the guys there are trying too hard to be the same person. They all want to be seen as “masculine,” however they define that, “sexy,” dressed in clothing that despite its size is still one or two sizes too small, and “approachable,” never mind the sauntering and grumpy faces that float in the darkness of a drunken 2:00am stupor.

So my friend asks me about why I don’t go approach men while I’m in the club. I begin explaining the science behind the approach and all of the items one must consider. In many cases, if the man is attractive enough to make you attempt an approach, often his demeanor is overly confident or offensively disinterested. I am not sure what avenues you use to meet men, whether the clubs you attend are online or offline, but this was just a little reminder of the true (and often forgotten) reality about being in the club.

Much of the lack of confidence stems from our adolescence, a time in which we began to notice all of the attractive men in our lives. Certainly things got tougher once we heard about and discovered sex, and all of the physical ways through which we show someone romantic interest, even if only for a moment. We continue this trend into our adulthood, becoming more comfortable with the notion of being inevitably single and alone, often to the point of subconsciously sabotaging budding or blossoming relationships over rather minute issues. We grew accustomed to admiring from afar and the fear of public humiliation or embarrassment at the first sign of unreturned interest. Somehow that doesn’t change once we’re in the club…not that the environment lends itself to conversation and privacy, but that’s a separate blog post…

So here are three quick tips to remember while you’re in the club with your friends, if you would like to meet someone you find highly attractive:

1) Leave the pack: Be willing to venture away from your friends for just a couple of minutes. They are grown adults and I doubt they will wilt, cry, or starve from your absence. Besides, you’ll have plenty more to talk about on the car ride home if you divide and conquer.

2) Remember this ain’t high school: Whatever hierarchy you have created in your own head is just that—created in your own head. Just because something is in high supply, doesn’t mean that it’s also in high demand. So what if you stick out like a sore thumb? It makes you easier to find amongst the crowd of posers and perpetrators.

3) Learn to laugh at their stupidity: Every conversation you attempt to start with a fine dude won’t be a homerun. Many will act like they are indeed too good to be in the same club you’re in. Perhaps they are busy dangling on someone else’s hook. Meanwhile, just be willing to say hello, if it’s not even about trying to date them necessarily. If they scoff at you, you can secretly scoff at how easily they pass up a good opportunity!

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I am very aware that these tips are much easier said than done, but maybe one or two of them can really help you with being able to find a way to either become more approachable or to do more approaching. Right now, it just seems like everyone is thinking like Toni Braxton, and thinks everyone is “Looking At Me.”

A Year in Preview…

2012 was a very interesting year! We traded Whitney Houston for Honey Boo Boo, experienced a bit of Linsanity and we got a little more comfortable with Anderson Cooper…and although we’re still not sure whether Beyoncé was ever actually pregnant, we were very sure we wanted President Obama for another four years!

However, despite the list of states that are okay with us marrying each other going from six to nine (and the District of Columbia), not enough of us benefit from the changes because we still don’t have anyone with whom we can visit the Justice of the Peace! So in the newness of 2013, let’s make this year about finding the diamond in the rough…even though the color for 2013 is emerald, thus the cosmetic changes to the page. (See the precious metal difference there?) Here are a few things you can try to make new in 2013 to get you a little closer to those courthouse steps, while you wait for your state to allow you to be there!

1. New Semester – This is probably the base of many of our problems. Shortly after his first inauguration, President Barack Obama encouraged the masses to return to school in some form or another, whether it be to one-up your own degree, or obtain your first one, or maybe even a continuing education course. I couldn’t agree more. It’ll give you more to talk about, perhaps a new skill, and will definitely make you seem less one-dimensional.

2. New Living Situation – Not sure how many of you will agree with this one, but perhaps you should take a review of your current shelter, especially with regard to your financial dynamic. Do you act proud about living alone, but you can hear the silence? Do you live with others, but proclaim that everything the light touches is your kingdom? Don’t feel compelled to do what pop culture suggests regarding your situation. Living alone is great if you take full advantage, but what if you slip in the shower? Who’ll know? Who can you call? I don’t mean to scare you, but that’s certainly no reason to live like the The Sims, either…eight of you in a 2BR apartment with no furniture or food…

3. New Occupation – There has been much talk since for the last few years about the job shortage. Many people complain about the loss of manufacturing jobs in the US, and suggest that those jobs should return from their outsourced shores to our disenfranchised citizens. Realistically, however, I have always said that the disconnect is between compulsory (and higher) education, and the jobs companies currently offer. For now, there seems to be a monumental push for financing, construction, and informational technology jobs.

4. New BMI – January is the worst month for this type of discussion, but with the winter months keeping you inside, maybe now would be the opportune time to watch your figure so that others will watch your figure once the weather warms up! I just say a new “body mass index” (for those of you that didn’t recognize the acronym…) might help things a little bit in your way. Losing 30, 50, or 100 lbs. might not be doable by summer, but changing your habits is. It’s fairly easy to start small: smaller portions, light exercise, and fewer processed foods are good ways to start the ball rolling.

5. New Attitude – While this one probably should’ve been higher up the list as one of the ones that can be changed instantly, most people cannot realistically be re-conditioned so quickly. I’m not talking about changing your attitude for the momentary date you are on (although that’s important). I’m talking about the myriad of us who may have spent what feels like the last couple of decades repelling our apparent inability to begin and stabilize a romantic relationship. People are quick to run to the notion that you receive what you present. I do believe that much of that can definitely be true when it comes to personal interactions, like job interviews, sales pitches, and dates. Have you reviewed what you are serving to others, while keeping in mind what others have a desire to partake?

This ought to be enough to get you started…don’t worry, there will be more to come, but no matter how many plans of action you decide to begin simultaneously, like Jordin Sparks says, you can only do it One Step at a Time.