Hello, loyal readers! I apologize again for the lack of posts, but things have been looking up in my personal employment life recently. I have gotten five job offers, and while I can handle most of them simultaneously, once any of them ask me about promotions, I might have to make some decisions…but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, huh?
In any event, lately, I was recently in attendance at a birthday party. I knew the guest of honor through a few degrees; I barely knew his name. It was at some dive bar in Atlanta. In any event, I put on a face as many of the patrons in the bar were not people with whom I might otherwise socialize. Usually, when I correctly hypothesize that this will be the case when I attend social gatherings like this, I wonder how many of these folks find dates.
The thought crossed my mind again last night, of course, and as such, I began to research how to approach any of these folks, if the spirit moved me… I did see one fellow in whom I might have been interested, but his attitude made me hesitate an approach. So, I thought about how other people end up talking at all in these situations where people don’t seem to be aware of how off-putting their scoffed faces, sighs, and rolled eyes can be to potential interests.
I found this article on Yahoo! that talks about how women should approach men. I wondered if the same items (could) ring true for the more introverted of us out there.
1. Be direct. I will agree almost wholeheartedly that the majority of gay men could benefit from this one. Many of us like to talk about “keepin’ it real,” but are usually unable to handle the unabashed truth, especially if it offends us, saddens us, or makes us take a REAL look at what we are (not) doing. If you are interested in a guy platonically or romantically, don’t let that intention become ambiguous. As our friend Wendy Williams has in her talk show theme song, “Say it like you mean it!”
2. Be indirect. The practice of asking your (hopefully pre-attached) friends to go scouting for ordered prospects does not seem to fare well in adult life, in my experience. However, I also understand how paralyzing the fear of rejection can be for some people. However, I will say that I know many a man who would rather appreciate an interested party confidently asserting himself and asking about the likelihood of a phone call or a date.
3. Come up with a plan. This paragraph was going to become a separate post previously, but I’ll touch slightly here. When you are attracted to someone, but before you approach, you should develop a plan, not a ruse. You don’t have to resort to trickery, but the idea of doing “something” “sometime” is not appealing to most people. If you express an interest to a guy about your desire to date him, and he doesn’t reject you, ask questions to help you refine your plan. Ask about his interests (food, movies, music) to help you both have a good time, and learn about each other in the process. Dinner, a show, and drinks IS an acceptable date.
4. Don’t come on too strong. It’s easy to lose the fish, even after you’ve got it on the hook. Be nice and your genuine self. People are generally pretty good at detecting lies, fear, or insecurity. Confidence is magic; arrogance is tragic.
5. Don’t over-plan. It doesn’t have to be a “meal fit for a king…or queen.” You should just be casual about the entire flow. It’s nice that he has agreed to spend hours of his life with you. So, be grateful, but don’t grovel. Ask him to a specific event. “Would you like to go to this show/movie?” “Wanna grab a bite sometime?” You can make other details by letting the date take its course at the time.
You know, they say when you have to give a speech or do any type of public speaking, you should start with a joke. Try that. I don’t have any jokes for you, but if the punch line works, you might be able to lead in with “I Love Your Smile!” Here’s Shanice…