Long Time, No See…

I apologize to the handful of readers that I have on this blog, whom I know have been eagerly awaiting my next entry lo these last few months. I made a promise to myself to write more often, but it seems like that has gone the way of other New Years Resolutions. In any event, I have within the last week had a few encounters that made me want to write a post regarding the sexual nature of long-standing friendships.

Over the last week or so, I have had two very similar situations, but in those situations, I did not have the same role. Let me explain…

In the first of these, a guy with whom I have had a rather dysfunctional pseudo-relationship for years, texted me to shoot the breeze I assume. After not having heard from him for a few months, I made a joke about wanting to get together and “get it in.” He starts on this tirade about how he wishes he could find friends whom are not interested in sex. I made the following points:

• You shouldn’t make someone feel guilty about liking you. You might find that it might not happen as often as you like. Also, many people find it difficult to admit that they like someone in the first place, and the least you could do is not make them retract into that shell it took more than you know to emerge from! Just keep in mind that…
• Just because someone wants to have sex with you doesn’t mean that sex is all they want from you. People don’t generally have sex with people they are not attracted to, especially if multiple engaging conversations have preceded such activity. …even more so if the conversation was not sexually charged. Besides,…
• If friendship is your ultimate goal, you shouldn’t engage in sex. People always say that sex complicates relationships. How right they are! Some folks like to put a time limit on how long they must know someone before they decide to engage sexually, but I’ve got more to say about that in another post…but…
• Once you engage in sex, especially if you do it multiple times, it becomes virtually impossible to revert to a sexless friendship. Again, this is yet another lesson that people tend to have to learn the hard way. People may tell you that they have done it, or know someone who has, but I also know lottery winners. It’s possible, but not probable. So, to conclude…
• If you would like a friend, you should learn to be a friend. This is largely in reference to your contact and interaction with the person in question. Regular, friendly contact may help to suggest the desired level of non-sexual friendship.

In the other situation, another long-time friend (though not as long a time as the first) put me in the opposite role. I refused him sex, and he got frustrated, asking me why I did. I suppose my empathetic and peaceful nature stifled me from breaking my friend’s spirit. Although, it apparently went to no avail. He followed up with a text message, stating that he wouldn’t “bother [me]anymore.” I responded by asking for clarification in the notion that “because I won’t sleep with you, you don’t want to be my friend anymore?” In short, his response was that he was “addicted” to me…no puns intended.

Perhaps the points listed above would’ve saved me a lot of trouble, but sometimes it’s difficult to put your thoughts into words, I suppose… While it’s a bit dated, and slightly inaccurate for a few reasons, Jermaine Stewart is still right when he sings that We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off.