The Proverbial Man In the Mirror

A good Blogger friend of mine, Prince Toddy English, recently wrote a post on a video by local Atlanta poet, Yolo Akili.

(I have not watched the video, nor do I think I will. It just doesn’t sound like something I would be interested in…based on the reviews I have read)

Todd slightly discussed three points in his post. Initially, he directed viewers to Yolo’s video, including embedding it within the post (like all good bloggers should). Then, there was a discussion surrounding the idea of dating one’s self if you were not you. After a few jokes, a RuPaul quote, and a stifled self-reflection, Todd hypothesized that he would at least give himself a chance. [I’d give Todd a chance, too, but I digress…]

Finally, Todd went in on a point that he heard in the video that struck a nerve with him and a few other visitors to his site and Facebook page. Apparently, being “masculine” is the “in” thing now, to the point that its absence commonly stifles what would otherwise be a very fairy tale-like relationship. Todd asked his readers for their opinions on this notion. What is the importance of masculinity in a relationship between two men? Many people offered their opinions, and mine is below.

I am sure that as a matchmaker, I will have to have this discussion for I’m sure more than a decade before attitudes and mindsets change. I can certainly understand the idea that generally (and logically) most gay men are attracted to the masculinity of men. I will also say that as a man who is not always seen as the most “masculine,” (yet not quite “feminine”) it does seem to be a very arduous task to convince potential suitors that I am neither a thug, nor a diva.

Granted, there is a population of gay men who are self-defined divas. They are the stereotypical types that most of the rest of us strive to avoid. They can be gossipy, loud, overbearing, and in many cases, one-dimensional. I think that while there are some (possibly “few”) men who gravitate towards and purposely exclusively date the more effeminate men, too many of us are boxed in with a group whose culture is studied to be learned. We are not allowed to be our authentic selves whose interests and actions are independent of our sexuality.

In the end, like other subjective terms, men should stop holding potential suitors to a standard which they cannot define.

Todd ended on a note with which I would have to largely agree. Being a man is way more about being self-sufficient than about a prison record or a large piece. It’s about being a provider, a protector, and a professor (one who professes, not a teacher)…to quote Steve Harvey. Maybe Salt ‘N’ Pepa and En Vogue can help explain Whatta Man is…