The Sharp Knife of a Short Life

Two weeks ago, I had a party at my home in College Park. During the festivities, a developing best friend of mine received a call, and afterwards, promptly excused himself. About two hours later, he called me to make sure the party was still happening. I assured it was, and he returned.

After a couple of rounds of Mario Party (one of the awesome past times around my house), and the disassembly of the party, he proceeds to inform me of the details around his earlier sudden departure. He informs me that a friend within a circle of my friends, Damien, had died. (For the record, I had only seen Damien a handful of times and had one slightly awkward conversation with him. From what I gathered, he was a very upbeat guy, but I didn’t think we had much of anything in common…)

My friend proceed to explain the sequence of events of a few days that ultimately led to Damien’s death. I was very sad to have heard the news, especially with regard to a B-story between my friend and some of the other grieving friends, whom encountered each other for the first time in weeks at the hospital. They had a previous personal rift that I’m sure caused a bit of discomfort between them at the hospital.

Thankfully, Damien (as far as I know) had family and friends around him when he “transitioned",” as they say. What might be the case for you, or some of the people you consider close friends? It’s certainly not something you want to spend a WHOLE lot of time thinking about, but it’s amazing how quickly some people can be gone out of your life forever…

Living in Atlanta, we get imports and carpetbaggers by the daily busload. So many of these men move here at whatever age, from hamlet and metropolis alike, for whatever reason (school, work, family, etc.) looking for something unspecified that so few of them find. In an overwhelming majority of cases, however, they come alone. They usually have no friends or close contacts of any kind here, especially immediately. So, what happens if they get sick or shot? Who can they call?

I guess my point is that I believe the rest of us have some sort of unwritten obligation to engage these community members to at least be sure that they are clearing their mailboxes everyday. After all, it’s the conclusive reason that we endure what we do to make and sustain friends: When it’s YOUR turn, you’ll want someone to care that you are no longer here.

I never thought I would have a use for this, but it’s just one of those songs, ya know? I’m sure Damien never thought that he would be gone after only a quarter of a century. I’m sure The Band Perry wrote this for folks like him. Here’s If I Die Young:

PS – To that circle of friends whom may read this: I did my best and used my best judgment to use Damien and his story to make a larger point about contact and cherishing friendships. Please don’t miss the forest for the trees…

Out With the Old; In with the New

…as the expression goes! Happy New Year to one and all! I’m back for another year of riveting tales, groovy music, and mountaintop-worthy advice! I thought I might start out with a little quick discussion about recent events in my own life.

Back in mid-December, I took a journey to Dallas, Texas, to visit a longtime online friend for a first meeting. (Who does that anymore, right?) In any event, despite my inexperience with Dallas, and my friend (who we’ll call “Tommy”)’s reluctant family, I had a very nice time with a very quaint individual.

However, after my return to Atlanta, Tommy and I had a very interesting conversation in which a mistake from my past (that I neglected to mention to him while in Dallas) caused concern for the potential of our relationship. Tommy felt that I should have been more forthcoming with the information. I purposely omitted the item because I knew it had the potential to ruin an otherwise highly enjoyable experience. In any event, after our initial discussion, I decided that I need not be concerned with potential out-of-state suitors when there is no guarantee of any further contact between us.

That was the hot topic until approximately a week after I got home…

An old friend that I have known for over three years (who we’ll call “Victor”) called me to let me know he was en route to Atlanta from Michigan. He and I have had a very high volume of sexual tension between us over the years, and since NYE was days away, I decided this would be the perfect opportunity for a NYE kiss. Well, long story short, the kiss didn’t happen.

I asked Victor privately his reasons for why we had yet to begin a relationship, hookup, or even kiss… He listed his answers, and while I had replies for them, it completely dashed any hopes I had of ever actually being with Victor. The day before he left, Victor and I had another discussion about what exactly our relationship was, and what it had the potential to do…or maybe where it had the potential to go. I explained to him how I felt highly offended at some of the things to which he made reference in our previous conversation, and also how I have a laundry of things I think he could change because we don’t agree on a lot, but I look past it (or try to, anyway) because I like him.

As I saw his car drive off, heading back the depressing tenements from whence he came,  (coupled with my Dallas adventure), I was reminded that I am far too desirable by men to be virtually “begging” anyone to be with me! I’m too giving, empathetic, and highly intelligent to be with someone that I had to “convince” to date me, like I’m trying to sell a house on a fault line. …and you don’t have to settle, either! If he doesn’t want you, find someone who does…flaws and all.

I promise he is out there, but you’ll never find your prince wasting time kissing dead frogs…

It’s a new year, and hopefully, you’ll have enough dates (through KNQ or otherwise) in time to attend your wedding on 12-12-12! (You know it’s gonna be en vogue this year to do it!) So, like Toni says, redo your Wardrobe!!

Long Time, No See…

I apologize to the handful of readers that I have on this blog, whom I know have been eagerly awaiting my next entry lo these last few months. I made a promise to myself to write more often, but it seems like that has gone the way of other New Years Resolutions. In any event, I have within the last week had a few encounters that made me want to write a post regarding the sexual nature of long-standing friendships.

Over the last week or so, I have had two very similar situations, but in those situations, I did not have the same role. Let me explain…

In the first of these, a guy with whom I have had a rather dysfunctional pseudo-relationship for years, texted me to shoot the breeze I assume. After not having heard from him for a few months, I made a joke about wanting to get together and “get it in.” He starts on this tirade about how he wishes he could find friends whom are not interested in sex. I made the following points:

• You shouldn’t make someone feel guilty about liking you. You might find that it might not happen as often as you like. Also, many people find it difficult to admit that they like someone in the first place, and the least you could do is not make them retract into that shell it took more than you know to emerge from! Just keep in mind that…
• Just because someone wants to have sex with you doesn’t mean that sex is all they want from you. People don’t generally have sex with people they are not attracted to, especially if multiple engaging conversations have preceded such activity. …even more so if the conversation was not sexually charged. Besides,…
• If friendship is your ultimate goal, you shouldn’t engage in sex. People always say that sex complicates relationships. How right they are! Some folks like to put a time limit on how long they must know someone before they decide to engage sexually, but I’ve got more to say about that in another post…but…
• Once you engage in sex, especially if you do it multiple times, it becomes virtually impossible to revert to a sexless friendship. Again, this is yet another lesson that people tend to have to learn the hard way. People may tell you that they have done it, or know someone who has, but I also know lottery winners. It’s possible, but not probable. So, to conclude…
• If you would like a friend, you should learn to be a friend. This is largely in reference to your contact and interaction with the person in question. Regular, friendly contact may help to suggest the desired level of non-sexual friendship.

In the other situation, another long-time friend (though not as long a time as the first) put me in the opposite role. I refused him sex, and he got frustrated, asking me why I did. I suppose my empathetic and peaceful nature stifled me from breaking my friend’s spirit. Although, it apparently went to no avail. He followed up with a text message, stating that he wouldn’t “bother [me]anymore.” I responded by asking for clarification in the notion that “because I won’t sleep with you, you don’t want to be my friend anymore?” In short, his response was that he was “addicted” to me…no puns intended.

Perhaps the points listed above would’ve saved me a lot of trouble, but sometimes it’s difficult to put your thoughts into words, I suppose… While it’s a bit dated, and slightly inaccurate for a few reasons, Jermaine Stewart is still right when he sings that We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off.