Break Free!

On Friday’s “Oprah,” Oprah did a show which was the reaction to the  very new movie Waiting for Superman, about the failure of the American educational system. In one of the first segments of the episode, Oprah invited the mayor of Newark, NJ to come and speak about a project in which he will collaborate with governor Chris Christie.

In answer to one of Oprah’s questions, Mayor Cory Booker (the very attractive man pictured here, by the way…) described the current consensus among many Americans as “sedentary agitation.” The simple concept being that while many Americans claim to be displeased with the status quo surrounding various situations and controversies in our country, too many of us are waiting for someone else to step in and do something.

Personally, I thought him very poignant for that phrase. I thought that such “sedentary agitation” could be blamed for our current situation with a lot of things that we think are unfair…because we sit around and talk in our huddles in our living rooms and church basements (which is great), but we don’t head out to the streets and march, or picket, or vote, or even donate a dollar or ten to someone who is trying to make things better for us and our children (whom by the way, most of us still cannot adopt)!

Many of us are very anxious to see the day when we will be able to go to the tuxedo store…or bridal shop (I’m not judging) to marry the man of our dreams…or at least one of them! Some of us may also have the desire to have kids of our own, or adopt, or both. I’m sure there are even others whom may not desire either marriage or children, and yet more people whom may not feel it necessary to acquire a husband or children in that order!

My point is that Mayor Booker largely motivated me to (or at least attempt to) be more active in changing the world I live in for the folks that are already here, but more importantly, for the folks whom haven’t yet arrived. I’d like KNQ (and another top secret project I’m working on) to be one of the emerging beacons of light for us. I hope to instill pride, practicality, and perseverance in we whom are creating a “developing” demographic.

Gandhi urged us to “be the change [we] want to see in the world.” In the same spirit, I encourage my readers not to succumb to “sedentary agitation.” If you believe in your heart that there must be more upright, professional, engaging, intelligent, and handsome men other than you, support Kings ‘N’ Queens! Ask what you can do for the company, and I promise you, the company will do more for you!!

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The unfortunate truth is that Kings ‘N’ Queens is a tiny particle of fresh air in a sea of smog. I truly believe that the people I aim to assist exist out there somewhere. I think that they are excited about what I’m doing and the efforts I’m making. However, I wish I could be sure of those things, instead of just hypothesizing. Maybe some of you could assist me with that perception. I know you want to eventually attend a KNQ mixer. So, follow Mariah Carey’s advice from ‘92 and help me to Make It Happen!

Finding Myself Through Losing Myself

I know it’s been some time since I have written, and I know that I was supposed to have written something on the first, but you may be a little surprised by what has been occupying my time.

Last summer, I began a…shall we say, “distant” relationship with a suitor. Shawn was very handsome, about 30 years of age, with a nice disposition, and was very comfortable with my slight and reserved femininity. I thought we were getting along fairly well, and despite the fact that although he had spent the night with me numerous time, we never did anything. Seriously…when I tell you I didn’t get so much as a hi-five from this boy… (sigh). In any event, we dated for a few months before he completely went AWOL on me. I mean, it’s a good thing I don’t have abandonment issues, or else I’d need to be on somebody’s couch for hours of my time, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I’d be paying them for the privilege!

So, I had kinda moved on, until he finally hit me up towards the beginning of this summer. I decided to give him another chance because I really liked him. Besides, nobody else viable was occupying my time, …or asking for the opportunity! This time around, he invited me to his place, and we had this long drawn out discussion about what happened, and his feelings, and what led to a complete unspoken withdrawal. Wine was involved, but despite a visit that lasted until 6:00AM, again…nothing happened. It was just as it had always been…

After a while of trying to reconnect, I began wondering what was stopping us from making anything official. I wasn’t trying to pick out bridal tuxes, but at the same time, I was ready to devote more and more time to him to foster something, and it didn’t seem like those efforts were being matched, in my humble opinion. :-) I had asked him about that, and he responded by telling me that we should be taking things slowly and not rush into anything. I also was feeling like there was no compromise…certainly with regard to issues that are very black-and-white. For example, as far as the labels…either we have them, or we don’t. (boyfriends, potentials, suitors, etc.) Either we are “just friends,” or we’re “something more.” I just wanted to know what exactly was going on in his head, and his lack of explanation made things very difficult.

In the most recent weeks, discussions about a broken car, a new house that he had just bought, and a new job transition, in addition to his relatively recent 30th birthday, led me to believe that I was the final piece of that puzzle. Yet, somehow I sensed that he felt that the picture might be just as satisfying, sans the final piece.

Quick sidebar: I read a very interesting article about “emerging adulthood” as a new stage of life, similar to the recognition and adoption of “adolescence” in the 1970’s. The article discussed how a large majority of 20yos feel like they aren’t quite “adults” by the same sense in which they regard their parents. The author goes on to explain that what makes us 20yos cross that threshold is the accomplishment of five “milestones” which were:

• Completing school
• Leaving home
• Becoming financially independent
• Getting married
• Having children

The author makes the point that these days, more and more people are using their 20’s to make decisions regarding these five items, and certainly they become more frantic in their need for completion (in one form or another), and the accompanying security as they reach the age of 30.

In my mind, I felt that the only reason he was trying to get me to be a part of his life was because he had turned 30, and much to his chagrin, I was the best of what he had found…although I wasn’t what he ultimately wanted. So, in essence, he was settling. …and I’m nobody’s silver medal!!

That revelation helped me to better deal with the demise of this relationship. I think he could be a really nice guy for someone else. With all of the discussions that I had had with him, I just felt stifled in my growth with him because I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells with him. I was scared to ask him for what I wanted after a while for fear of being made to feel like I was rushing him into something he wasn’t sure about.

Maybe I will someday delve into more of the specifics when I am trying to make other points regarding relationships, but I just wanted my readers to know where I’ve been, and that the dream is NOT dead! KNQ is something I could see myself working on tirelessly until it comes to complete fruition. I want to find someone for ALL of us. We ALL deserve to be happy! Even Shawn…

Finally, I would like to leave you with a song that helped me get past the hurt I felt when I realized Shawn would not be someone I might someday marry… Here is Karyn White (Yes, I took it back to 1986…what of it?) echoing my sentiments about men like Shawn, which are that I’d Rather Be Alone. Listen…

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